Serving your Spouse

Marriage Tips

How impactful is service within your marriage? 

Love is an act of service. It is a choice that we get to make every day in our relationships.

In the Win at Home video series that Harborside Church did, Jess Conley explains that after being married for a year and a half, she has learned that it’s a choice every single day to show up for her husband and serve him in a selfless way. She knows how important it is that she is the one there to serve and uplift her husband when he gets home from work. 

Something powerful happens when we switch our focus off of the task of serving and onto the opportunity we have to show love through our service. True service is done with a selfless heart- one that is ready to serve and is not expectant of recognition. 

Two Tips for Serving your Spouse well:

1. Mimicking how Jesus Served and Loved People.

In John 13, Jesus gives us a direct example of what it looks like to be a humble servant, and asks us to follow His example.

“Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.”

 –John 13:14-15 (NIV)

Jesus is the source of servanthood. The King of Kings did the lowliest of jobs: washing others’ feet. If we are ever unsure of how to serve in our relationships, or what selfless service looks like, we should look to Jesus’ perfect example. Taking time to fill our minds and hearts with God’s truth and love is so important, not just in our relationship with Him, but also in our relationship with others. When we’re filled up with God’s love, we can overflow that love onto others. 


2. Knowing your Spouse’s Love Language. 

In order to love your spouse in the way that they best receive love, it’s important that you know what their love language is. We were all created uniquely, with different ways that we best give and receive love.

The book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, explains each of the different love languages and how to express love to your spouse through their individual love language. When you take the time to discuss your love languages together, you will have a deeper understanding of one other. Serving becomes more exciting when you know your acts of love are making your spouse feel truly appreciated.


I have seen the great impact of these two tips in my own relationships throughout my life. When serving ever becomes a task, I try to remind myself how Jesus served and that serving others is also service to God. But, I find that I am only reminded of this when I spend time with God and ask Him to give me eyes to see others the way He does.

I have also really enjoyed researching the 5 love languages, and knowing my personal best ways of receiving love. My main love language is quality-time. For me, this looks like spending long days having meaningful conversations with my loved ones. I believe relationships are strengthened when we take the time to truly understand each other and how to love each other better.

CHALLENGE: Talk to your spouse about what their love language is during this season, because sometimes they change! When you know what it is, start to brainstorm and pray about new ways that you can show them love through their love language. Enjoy the excitement that will be added to your marriage when you choose to humbly serve your spouse!


Written by, 

Kate Thorington


Photo by: Kirstin Shontere Photography

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